Sunday, August 27, 2006, 12:08 AM

Pluto got burned!

Did you hear that Pluto got it's planet status revoked? I guess the Plutonians didn't send in their registration fee in time.

But how typically to human of us to presume that we can decide who gets to be a planet and who doesn't!

I'm not sure Earth is really a planet sometimes. Sometimes I think we're just a giant, floating, asshole factory.

Sunday, August 27, 2006, 12:06 AM

DVD is almost here!

I think my new DVD, Arj Barker Live (pronounced 'live' as in 'I live in a house') will hit the shops Australia-wide on Sept 1.

Please buy it and tell you friends to buy it, and I promise to come to tour in your area as soon as possible. Deal?

If you don' t buy it though, I still love you.

Peace

Saturday, August 26, 2006, 11:59 PM

Led Zeppelin for President

Drove up highway 101 from LA this morning, to my sister's house for a visit with her family.

Highway 101 the coastal highway and it's beautiful! There's another slightly quicker route, called Highway 5, but it's quite plain.

Oh, you don't give a shit.

Look, I know I've been neglecting my blogging lately, and I just need this entry to get my feet wet again, so forgive me if it's all over the mapquest.

I was driving and listening to Led Zeppelin (Crucial Zep Mix, 2005, Arj Barker Studios), and it dawned on me how much joy they've brought me over the years, since my early teens. It's no wonder Zep is my favorite band and only Radiohead can share top billing.

That's why I wish Led Zeppelin could be president and Radiohead could be vice-president. I know it's unlikely, but you have to admit it would be pretty sweet.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006, 01:40 PM

Edinburgh Festival 2006

Since I was only across the pond in Holland, I decided to swing by Edinburgh and spend a few days at the festival on my way home.

It's been fun, but accomidation-wise, it's been a brutal transition. I went from the Hilton in Amsterdam, to sleeping on sofa cushions on the floor with only a table cloth as a blanket. But that's the fest for ya!

It's been a fun few days, but now it's time to pay the piper. I fly out tomorro to connect to a flight at Heathrow. It's meant to be fairly chaotic there still, and I'm a more then a little apprehensive about the chances of making it home on schedule with all my luggage. I'm sure I'll get there eventually, and most likely my bags will too. I just question whether we'll all get there at the same time.

Oh well, I can live without my fart machine for a few days I guess.

Friday, August 11, 2006, 04:33 AM

Amsterdam

I'm here.

It's raining cats and goats outside. (it rains goats instead of dogs here, for some reason)

I have a very waterproof shell for my upperbody and head, but the front of my cargo shorts got soaked on the short ride to the internet cafe, so now it looks like I pissed myself.

Terrible news about the plot to down the airplanes. As bad as it is though, I haven't heard anyone say, 'I'd rather just not know!'

But it's shithouse. I'm going to start taking boats everywhere. It's just as handy. I could get on a boat here in Holland and be back in San Francisco by early November, easy.

Terrorists. It really sucks man. Why do we have to be fighing a war against poeple who specialize in terror? Terror is so scary! Why can't we be fighting against a different, less threatening group, like...florists?

Then the security questions at the airport would be different.

'Did anyone ask you to carry any delightfully arranged floral bouquets?'

Now you have to carry all your stuff onto the plane in a plastic bag. I'm not bragging, but I invented that tequnique like 5 years ago. I didn't call it security though, I called it 'too cheap to buy proper luggage.'

Peace To You

Saturday, July 29, 2006, 04:23 AM

Letterkenny, County Donegal + Ice Screams

This is a very beautiful part of Ireland. Rolling green hills give way to charming towns, simply brimming with Irish people.

In a way it reminds me of other parts of Ireland I've been to.

The Letterkenny comedy festival is off to a roaring start. Being that it's only 3 nights long, it's also nearly over. I've done two shows now, and I've one to go. As I expected, the crowds are quite responsive and well into it. Performing in this country is always a pleasure.

I was hoping to explore around the some of the natural areas outside of the town, but it's pissing rain today, so instead I watched a show called 'Killer Ice' on the TV in my hotel. They said that ice, while seemingly benign if not a bit chilly, is really a deadly force of nature, and essentially, giant icebergs are breaking off of Antarctica and making their way towards us with a sole intention: kill everyone and everything in their path.

They said some icebergs can weigh over a 1000 pounds, or something! When you start talking numbers like that, you realize just how serious the issue is.

Friday, July 28, 2006, 04:06 AM

Mallorca to Ireland

I spent several days on the island of Mallorca spain. It was pretty cool I guess, but I was disappointed at how touristy everything was.

At one point, I became so fed up, I just about wanted to leave the waterslide park right then and there! Unfortunately, I had bought the 3 day 'Pee-Wee Golf n' Slide Super Pass', and it was non-refundable.

Also, the drivers in Spain are so mad all the time! You barely cut them off a few times, and they honk at you like you're the jerk.

On thursday, I hopped on a flight to Belfast. I was the only one in the non-resident passport line, and surprise surprise, I was the only person taken aside by customs for 'a few questions.' I never enjoy having my bags searched, (unless it's part of a bedroom role-playing game called 'The Jam Smuggler').

I thought it was pretty lame that they suspected me, considering that I was wearing a baseball cap, sunglasses and was unshaven. As I pointed out to the official who was snooping through my suitcase, I looked so much like a smuggler that I would have to be an idiot to actually have been smuggling something.

He found this observation distinctly unamusing.

But you know what? Too bad, Sherlock! Now we're both annoyed!

Sunday, July 23, 2006, 01:19 AM

Fell for the airport pastery trick again....

I'm at Stanstead airport, on my way to Spain for a few days. For some reason, I always forget how crappy pasterys are at the airport. The problem is, they look really light and flaky and delightful underneath the little plastic dome. Then, when you eat them, it's like biting into the Sunday paper after it was sitting in the rain for two hours.

Burned again!

Friday, July 21, 2006, 05:08 AM

Crappy Start to European Summer Tour 2006

I was in a great mood when I arrived at the airport. Leaving the scorching California weather behind and heading off for a 5 country trip in Europe. England, Holland, Ireland, and Scotland for shows and a few days off in Spain. Too sweet!

When the girl at the airline counter offered me an 'upgrade' to an emergency row seat for 100 dollars, I decided to go for it. Normally that would be a bit pricey, but I figured I'd start this trip off in style, and treat myself to some 'extra leg-room.'

The seat turned out to be about 2 and 1/2 feet away from the lavatory hallway.

I don't know which was worse, the perpetual torrents of shit-air which blasted me in the head for the next 10 hours, each time a bathroom door opened or closed, or the hoards passengers loitering around my seat, waiting to unload questionable meals, their farty asses only inches from my face.

Perhaps the worst part was knowing that I voluntarily given up a nice, reclusive window seat, and paid $100.00 to sit in hell at 35,000 feet.

I survived the flight, but I think I might have a caught a touch of shit-throat.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006, 03:16 PM

Can't find a bar in NY?

I've been here on the East Coast for nearly two weeks, but I don't think it's affecting me at all.

FOGGETABOUT IT!!!

My back has been pretty good, and excercising daily really seems to help. I never did hear about a good chiropractor out here, but a couple people suggested gravity boots.

Gravity boots are these things that strap on to your ankle and they have upside down hooks on them. Then you find a bar and hook in, and hang upside down like a bat! It's meant to really stretch out your spine and help align your vertabrae.

I ordered them off Amazon.com, this quirky little webisite I know about, and they came the very next day. I was ready to hang! Then I spent the next two days, walking around Manhattan, trying to find a bar that was suitable to hook onto. I looked everywhere, parks, jogging paths, playgrounds but found NOTHING.

Still, I think all that walking helped my back.

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